Homework #59: SOF Prom 2011 & DSPs

            Just hearing about prom it seems impossible that it could really be that fun of a night, but it is. I understand now why people might want to relive it, however I do not think that it is the type of night that can ever be quite duplicated. Surprisingly during the night I did not think at all about the things we had talked about in class, but now looking back on the night I did notice many clichés. I myself wore a corsage and my date a boutonniere. At the prom everyone looked very classy and put together. There were the people who looked completely new, as if they had taken on a new persona. It is funny how for one night people want to be someone else entirely. While dancing there was the circle dance, but not necessarily with “the outcast” in the middle. Everyone was included in the dancing and it was nice to just let yourself go. Nobody cared about how you danced or with whom you danced. Our grade was definitely unified, just as one of my interviewees said about her prom. There were not any fights, but instead everyone embraced each other and their uniqueness.

            I think a lot of times we look at this event as almost too cliché to really mean anything. While there were people in limousines and corsages, SOF prom was not very cliché in itself. If I remember correctly there was no slow dancing and there was no prom king or queen. I do not think that anyone feels any different afterwards, perhaps only that our grade is closer. The experience one could say was transformative only during the event. It transforms not the individual but the group of people. Each person is more adult that night and it brings everyone together as they appreciate the people with whom they have spent the past four years. That night I really realized that I would miss all of these people. I had spent so long with them that I had not really appreciated who they were as people and what my life would be like without them. Going to Germany I still knew that I would always have one more year, now going off to college, it is over. Prom is definitely an event that helps mark the end and prepares us for the days to come. I do not think it is an event one you can criticize unless you have experienced it. In all of the other units it was easier to look at it from the outside, but to understand the emotion process of prom there must be particular circumstances.

            In class we talked about how prom is a practice night for being adult. I do not think anything we did was more adult than usual. The way everyone danced was actually surprisingly more PG than expected and the interactions were more mature maybe, but not necessarily “adult-like”. Prom is not about being an adult or acting like one. It is simply about maturing. We all acted our age, not ten years older. To an outsider it may seem like people are acting more adult in contrast to the behavior expressed prior to prom. I do not believe this is the case; prom helps us simply act our age and respect each other. It just so happens that adulthood shares those characteristics. Overall prom was a really great night. I do not feel any different and I’m sure my classmates will say the same, but it was definitely a night to remember, no matter how cliché that sounds. 

Homework #58: Prom Interviews

            For the purpose of this paper I interviewed someone my age that has not yet attended prom, another person who attended it a couple years ago, and lastly someone who attended a couple decades ago. To begin with person A, who still awaits their prom, I asked about their expectations. These were simple: “I don't really expect anything from prom either than it to be indoor, with my teachers and classmates, and to be served food.” These expectations seem to be a bit dry considering what a spectacular event prom is supposed to surmise to. To prepare herself for prom, Person A bought a dress and a necklace to wear. While I myself had never thought of prom this way, Person A hit our class discussion spot on: “I think prom is thought of traditionally as being a rite of passage, theoretically the first experience to dress up and feel like an adult in one's life. In this respect, prom can be significant.” To her the event is transformative, or at least for that one particular night. It is clear however that the event does not hold as much significance for Person A. She feels that society pressures a lot of people into going and convinces people that they are “missing out” if they are absent from the event. Because of this whole attitude people feel obliged to go, not because they are seeking a transformative experience. After prom Person A does not expect to feel any different, simply relaxed because it marks the end of the school year. When asked what her ideal prom would be, she replied that it would involve all of her friends from both in and outside of school, together with unlimited drinks and food. But hearing that I had to think, would that really be a prom, or just a party?

            After hearing what to expect from prom, I spoke to Person B, who could speak of her experience at the actual event. Everyone at her school voted against having a prom king and queen, but did indulge themselves in renting limousines. She had expected a lot of drama, but it was practically nonexistent the event. Person B felt that her grade had formed an understanding by that point and was able to create some sort of unity. “It was unexpectedly free of a lot of insecurities that I thought there would be. Maybe because everyone showed up drunk? ha.” Person B admitted to her grade’s drinking before the prom, but it did not seem to have a negative impact at all on the prom, perhaps even a positive one. Prom was not transformative, but rather uniting for her. She did not feel particularly different afterwards, but her grade as a whole was able to develop a better sense of maturity. “It seemed like prom acted as a celebration of just getting through high school.” She believes that is the real purpose for prom, while people may go into it believing that it will be a transformative experience. Prom is however very necessary as it is important for the students to experience an almost entirely student run event. It helps mark the end of an era.

            The last person I talked to reminisced on her prom many years ago, in a completely different era than now. Unlike the other two interviewees, Person C’s prom was a junior prom; senior prom was nonexistent. The night was extremely exciting because it was a big party with friends and if one was even luckier, they had a date. Nothing particularly special happened at the event, it went just as imagined. Her date however wore different brown plaid combinations, which disappointed her considering she had taken such care to find the perfect dress. Prom to her, like person A, was about being an adult. “It's just one of those coming of age things—it used to be the first sort of "adult" like thing you did in high school. The girls were supposed to act like young ladies and the boys were supposed to be polite young men, bringing corsages, escorting you to the dance.” While it is a “coming of age” event, Person C does not believe that it is necessary to attend.

            While all coming from different perspectives, all three of the interviewees had similar reactions towards prom. The idea that it is a night to act adult came up in both Person A and C’s answers. This is a clear theme on prom night; people want to feel like they are finally growing up and are no longer immature high school students. Having a date is exciting because it is companionship, a said agreement that you will spend time together on that night. Person A however did feel the toll of society much more than the other two interviewees. She felt that people were pressured into attending for fear they might miss out on something. For Person C the event was so exciting that no one would want to miss out, they simply felt pressure from themselves. Person B did not mention feeling the need to attend, but that it was definitely a necessary event. Society clearly plays a role in urging people towards prom, because it is practice for adulthood. However it also displays only a specific view of adulthood, one in which one has a companion and dresses extremely nicely. People are mature and united, as seen in Person B’s grade, while classy, as described by Person C. Prom however does seem to be less significant in modern times. Person C went on about how exciting and exhilarating the experience was, while Person A, who is about to attend her prom, showed little excitement. Person B expressed that it seemed like it was going to be a drama filled event, when in turn it was actually much different. Being classy and sophisticated has much less of an appeal nowadays. With reality television and HipHop, there is no need to be classy to have a good time. Person B awaited the “reality television drama”, while Person A sees the event as just something to go to so that she does not miss out. What is “cool” has been redefined in modern times, going from classy to outrageous. Person A mentioned “unlimited drinks and food,” in her ideal prom, but does that really have anything to do with prom at all? It has become less about having the perfect date and dress, but competing to have the wildest time. However it still brings people together in creating this experience, forming an unnoticed maturity and compassion.

Homework #57: Initial Thoughts on Prom

Prom has always been an event in the future, something that I never really thought about. It was always going to happen and I gave no thought as to why. When our prom was almost cancelled this year most people were annoyed, upset, or scared they were going to lose money, but why? Why is it so important to us that we have this event? It celebrates the end of our high school career one might say, but then, what is graduation? When actually asked for the reason for prom’s existence, I would not be able to give a concrete answer. It is simply a celebration where students can come together with the people with whom they have spent the last four years of their lives and experience a couple last moments together. In class today we talked about how it is a transformative experience, that we enter one person and exit another. I do not agree with that ideology, or at least in modern times. Nobody seems very different after prom at all, even if they have secretly glimpsed the “lives of adults.” I do not think prom is quite as transformative as it perhaps used to be. Teenagers now have more access to adulthood, or at least living in New York City. While for someone living in a small town in Iowa, it might be nice to feel like an adult for one night, I doubt that it has quite the same significance to someone who has grown up in such a vibrant city. Prom has become a night where we might indulge ourselves more than usual, but does not necessarily give us a feeling of transformation. The alcohol that might have been for the special occasion is now part of every week, losing its significance. Buying an expensive dress is not out of the ordinary because everything has become so expensive. Prom is still a significant event, but not necessarily a transformative one.

Like everything we have studied, there is an industry behind the pivotal moments of prom. Girls feel the need to dress up, wearing exotic gowns and high heels, while boys are pressured into buying suits. Of course the night is topped off with a stretch limo for transportation and the infamous after prom. Let alone the extra necessities, the actual venue, food, music, all of it adds up in cost. For perhaps a four-hour event, millions of dollars are being made by the prom industry. Therefore one might ask, is this the sole reason for prom? Simply because of the profit it provides? I do not think so. The money gain was not the initial intention in creating the ceremony, however the celebration has become much more profit-oriented. At the beginning I am sure there was some special significance, which then slowly withered away as society developed industrially. This also probably attests to why it is not as transformative of an experience as before. The morals and ideology behind prom have dissolved, thus people do not go into the event expecting anything in return, besides a good time. Paying all of this money seems almost a waste, for should it not change you in some way? Prom I am sure would be just as fun of an experience without the dresses and limos, but of course they are firmly woven into the expectations for the occasion.

While it may not be transformative anymore, prom is clearly a significant moment for many people. Today the article about the adults who were “re-living” their proms clearly demonstrated the impact of the event. I find the whole idea ridiculous. Prom has lost any internal value; therefore I see no reason to continue to re live it. Its whole appeal now is that it is this once in a lifetime celebration, with the people whom the person has spent four years of their life with. By recreating it as adults, one, the event is repeated and therefore not as special and two, you might be with your date but otherwise your with a roomful of strangers. It is simply impossible to mock the celebration of prom. The way you might have changed when you were 17 or 18, if the experience were to be transformative at all, would differ entirely from the experience as a 25 to 60 year old. Prom holds esteem only among teenagers. For adults to feel the need to dress up and treat themselves to luxury, they might as well spend the money on a relaxing vacation, or something that could actually be effective in transforming them. It seems foolish to again indulge themselves in a celebration that holds nothing in it for them. The truth is, the night cannot be recreated, which is why it has become such a special day, even if it is lacking in transformative experiences.

- Why do we have prom?
- How did this image of being adult come to be?
- What would happen if a school were to not have a prom? Would this have some unnoticed impact on the students?
- How does prom differ now from what it used to be? Is this a bad development?

            

            

Homework #56: Comments

To Ariel:
Ariel, 

I thought your post was very funny. The images clearly displayed your reactions, while making the text more fun to read. I do wonder what made you go "huh" about the cremation facts. I do not find that information that surprising, as our society is evolving into a less religious state. I had never heard of resomation and it seems like an extremely cool idea. I believe it is clearly the most natural and should be made more widely known. I cannot say that I would particularly choose it, I want to be cremated I think, but it seems like a nice idea, that eventually you could help create a garden grow through your death.


To Sarah:
Sarah,

I thought your video was very well put together. The last paragraph of your analysis talks about how we do not pause to notice ourselves and the world around us. I believe you were also able to capture this idea well in your film, with the edited clips of the sidewalk. The audience was forced to talk a minute and appreciate life. I also liked that you asked teenagers who had not taken a course concerning the care of the dead. While all of our thoughts are interesting, it was intriguing to hear the perspective of someone who did not have much experience in the topic.
Each individual however did seem to have a pretty clear idea of what they wanted, considering how much our society tends to avoid the subject of death.
Good job!


To Abdul:



Abdul, 


 I think it is interesting that your wants to be cremated with all of her organs, while you are so intent on giving all of yours away. It seems to be the only difference between the two of your plans. What makes you want to give yours away so badly? And what makes her want to keep hers? If she's cremated, they won't exist in their original form. I wish I had been there yesterday for the speaker because they seemed to have had an impact on a lot of people's projects. I find it intriguing that you were so happy to get these forms. It's weird to think that they're even useful at our age, something that I believe a lot of us do not realize. You mentioned that you did not expect them for a couple decades, however then come to the realization that you could die tomorrow. Perhaps we should have more experience with these documents throughout our lives as to not be so surprised when eventually confronted with them. 


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From Lindsay: Nice video! I wonder how much their perspectives on the shift in funeral traditions has to do with age and location. Both had very vivid experiences of dark, gloomy and impersonal services as children, where funerals were something children weren't invited to. I have been to a variety of funerals, some of distant relatives in churches, from ones where the focus was more on the service than the person, to ones where the room was filled with stories and pictures. 

I wonder what impact being in a city vs a suburban town where our parents grew up, where the expectation is that the funeral will be "traditional."

From Ben: Great video! One of the things I thought was especially interesting was when Leslie said that when she was growing up, young children would often not be invited to funerals because it was a very "sad and sacred" occasion. I also loved the way Jim was so specific in his description of the first funeral home he was speaking about. I also think you did a very good job summarizing the contents of the video in you 2 written paragraphs. Nice work!


From Ariel: Intriguing Quotes:
-Having the person look perfect through embalming, the burial spot, the priest, everything added up in cost and would have to be perfect, in order to ensure a rightful passage into the next life.
- It is no longer such a monstrous thing that it must be kept from a child, but instead something that they need to acknowledge, even at a young age.

I liked your post because not only did you show changes in the industry regarding death but you also interviewed your parents with examples. It's very interesting how your parents both sort of saw death as something that needed to be perfect or rather monstrous. What do you think fueled them to think that? It is explicable with your father talking about how it's haunted but random with your mom. Maybe you can ask them why they think that. Over all i think you did a great job with your comparisons and details. Good job.


From Arden: Your video was really good. I liked the overlapping music you included. it started as more happy toned and transitioned into more mellow tones which I felt set the tone. It was interesting comparing the before and after of funerals. In the very beginning of the unit i remember having a brief talk with my grandpa bout funerals when he was younger. Your video sparked something he said in our conversation about "Criers." (I think thats what they were called) They were hired to attended funerals and cry. It was a way of coping, mourning, and having people express sadness to bring more respect to the dead person. This idea seemed a little bit far fetch to me. I just wondering how that started, how this job evolved and into what? If your parents from their generation had any similar experiences. 

great post

Homework #55: Culminating Project

Funerals: Then and Now Video

When interviewing a funeral director on his experience in the funeral industry, he spoke many times of how the industry has changed and the aspects that are now different. Mitford's book: The American Way of Death Revisited he felt criticised the industry as it was, not as it is today, while also exploiting the details of the past industry. Therefore I decided to ask my parents, people who lived both in the time of Mitford's original publishing and in modern times, about their experiences with the change in the industry. My father's evidence was purely anecdotal, as he talked about the haunted house - like funeral that he attended as a child, in comparison with the celebratory ceremony surrounding the death of his cousin, years later. The most recent funerals he states have been more family run, based around grieving the deceased. Thus the industry has changed. Religion played a stronger role in the ceremony decades ago, which presumably lead to the strictness and stress of the situation. Having the person look perfect through embalming, the burial spot, the priest, everything added up in cost and would have to be perfect, in order to ensure a rightful passage into the next life. In a young boy's eyes this could appear as a haunted house, carrying away a loved one. However as time passed, the focus seemed to switch to a more grief-like ceremony. People began celebrating the life of the person rather than obsessing over the religious ceremonies that revolve around the afterlife. People began to fear death less, which would explain the switch from preparing for the next life to celebrating the life lived. The fear of death in society will most likely never be eliminated, however society's way of grieving shifts.

My mother expressed similar opinions to my father in her comparison of funerals. Unlike my father however she brought up the idea of children. She felt that when she was growing up, children were less likely to attend the funerals, because adults believed they could not handle it, while now children are more willingly brought into the ceremonies. This again supports the idea that people's view of death, perhaps their fear of it, has shifted. It is no longer such a monstrous thing that it must be kept from a child, but instead something that they need to acknowledge, even at a young age. The idea of celebrating the person was also brought up, just as it had been by my father. People have begun to accept the fact that death is unavoidable, thus to deal with this pain, they celebrate the life lived. However my mother did express an experience that was quite the contrary. One funeral that she attended this year in fact had been very impersonal. The man's name was barely uttered during the ceremony because of its religious connotations. Thus in this respect, maybe not all have come to accept the reality of death. Possibly it is that people have become less religious, that has helped develop this acceptance of death and celebration of life. But who is to say that those who are religious fear death? While the industry has changed, most likely due to an acceptance of death and shift in the attitude towards religion, it has also very must stayed the same. There will always be the traditional funeral of my parents' childhood among the big celebrations of life that have begun to appear.

Homework #54: Independent Research B

            Originally I had hoped to interview a priest to gain further insight into the Catholic Church. My grandparents were raised catholic, while my parents neglected to impose this upon my sister and I. However after visiting four different churches, there were no priests to be found. Therefore I decided to simply research my own personal view, as to learn more about it. I myself am agnostic, unsure if God exists or not, for I find no core evidence to support his existence, while nothing denies it either.

            Thomas Henry Huxley first named agnosticism in 1869, while many intellectuals had practiced the view before his time. In one of his essays he describes a response to agnosticism, “His difference from Christians lies not in the fact that he has no knowledge of these things, but that he does not believe the authority on which they are stated. He may prefer to call himself an Agnostic; but his real name is an older one–he is an infidel; that is to say, an unbeliever. The word infidel, perhaps, carries an unpleasant significance. Perhaps it is right that it should. It is, and it ought to be, an unpleasant thing for a man to have to say plainly that he does not believe in Jesus Christ,” (Agnosticism, 1889). This is to say that agnostics understand the claims of the Christian community, however do not believe the basis for these claims. The Learned Principal of King’s College, whose words were previously mentioned, believes that agnostics are infidels who chose to rename themselves. Not believing in Jesus Christ in his mind is a shameful thing. However by rejecting Jesus Christ, the idea of an afterlife is also in doubt. If an afterlife were to exist, as infidels, agnostics would most likely not “make the cut.” Yet agnosticism does not deny the existence of an afterlife, only questions it. One may exist, but how will anyone ever really know? These infidels have nothing against believing in a life after death, if evidence were to exist that supported the concept.

            Just as there are different sectors of Christianity, there are different beliefs among agnostics. A strong agnostic believes that nothing can even be known about G*d, other than anecdotal evidence that is invalid, however a weak atheist believes that it is possible to eventually obtain evidence towards G*d’s existence, even though it has yet to be found. There is then agnostic atheism, in which one believes there to be no G*d or deity, but never actually denies them, thus being agnostic. Another sector admits to not having any evidence to support their claim of a greater being, however still believes that one exists. Apathetic agnosticism is the belief that the existence of a deity is undetermined, however if it were to exist, it clearly has no concern for humanity. Lastly is ignosticism, those who refuse to make any decision before a clear definition of a deity is set forth. (Agnosticism, Wikipedia). There are many ways to define oneself as an agnostic, however they are united under the belief of the unknown. While some may believe proof can never be obtained and others do, it is still agreed that presently there is no evidence and therefore no concrete decision can be constructed.

            In terms of care of the dead there is no standard definition for one of agnosticism. Hardly a religion, there are no rules by which one should live or die for that matter. There is not a lot of literature about agnosticism because of its indefinite belief. Instead multiple forums come up with people’s discussion of ideas. One person states, “You celebrate that person's life at a funeral home and burial ceremony or maybe a place where you release their ashes and have a family get together or whatever. It’s very similar to religious services in mood and respect for each other. My belief is that its about the ones who are still alive and not me after I'm dead, so I would leave it up to my loved ones as to how they want to dispose of my remains, but I will hint to them that I want my corpse to be burned to ashes so that it can help put nitrogen into the soil for plants to grow,” (What Do Agnostics Do For Funerals?). Many people expressed similar opinions, in terms of having loved ones there and celebrating life. However if there is a possibility that G*d does exist, therefore an afterlife too would exist. Thus, in the care of the dead, it would be expected that a religious aspect would be woven into the ceremony, as to assist the person’s transition to the afterlife, if one should actually exist. Nevertheless among the discourse this topic does not surface. The care of the dead is a hard subject to define in agnosticism, as there is no clear practice. Instead agnosticism is open to everything. If one believes that the Buddhists may be right then they make incorporate Buddhist tradition in their ceremony, just as someone who may be contemplating the validity of Christianity might. With this questioning in mind, a person is free to do as they choose.

            Many see agnosticism as a weakness, an indecisive way of thinking, while it is actually quite free. It is true that an agnostic person is deciding not to choose either way, if a G*d exists or not. But they are choosing a third option, to not define their beliefs. When a person is open to believing in the existence of a deity, it makes the truth, when and if it does come, much more easy to accept, not only religion but also other people and their ways (Why I Choose to Be an Agnostic). An atheist may see it as the end of life when confronted with factual evidence that a G*d does exist, while it would be heartbreaking for a Christian to see that one indeed does not. However an agnostic would be freed and embrace the realization, for they have not prisoners chained to a wall of belief. Agnosticism additionally inspires questioning oneself and seeking answers. It provokes originality in the sense that there is no set guideline for one to follow and therefore one should define their way of life. Living well as to ensure a spot in heaven if it were to exist, but not to limit oneself from the desires that would bring a well -lived life.

            When it comes to life after death and how to even live a good life here on earth, there is no concrete answer in the agnostic community. Everything comes down to individual thought and the search for core evidence. When death does come, the journey will end and the answer found, however ironically, wherever death is, one is not.

"Agnosticism (1889)." Web. 11 May 2011. <http://aleph0.clarku.edu/huxley/CE5/Agn.html>.

"Agnosticism." Wikipedia, the Free Encyclopedia. Web. 11 May 2011. <http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Agnosticism>.

"What Do Agnostics Do for Funerals? - Yahoo! Answers." Yahoo! Answers - Home. Web. 11 May 2011. <http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20080107142805AA1Hl2q>.

           

"Why I Choose to Be an Agnostic | Content for Reprint." Content4Reprint - Free Article Encyclopedia. Web. 11 May 2011. <http://www.content4reprint.com/religion-and-spirituality/why-i-choose-to-be-an-agnostic.htm>.

Homework#53: Independent Research A

Most Americans believe that grief is a long-term situation, however recent studies show that grief lasts around 6 months, occasionally longer. It is not as severe as it is portrayed to the American public.

Konigsberg, Ruth D. "Grief, Unedited." Www.nytimes.com. New York Times, 24 Apr. 2011. Web. 9 May 2011. <http://www.nytimes.com/2011/02/15/opinion/15Konigsberg.html?_r=1>.

Facebook is seeking a solution to the conflict of constantly reappearing profiles of deceased users in other’s reconnect boxes. People find it unsettling but also comforting to see their friends, while Facebook attempts to create tribute pages.

Wortham, Jenna. "As Older Users Join Facebook, Network Grapples With Death - NYTimes.com." The New York Times - Breaking News, World News & Multimedia. 17 July 2010. Web. 09 May 2011. <http://www.nytimes.com/2010/07/18/technology/18death.html?ref=deathanddying>.

            Grief comes up in both articles, both in terms of grieving itself, but also the constant reminder of the deceased. While losing someone is a very emotional time, people have coping mechanisms that help them overcome such a loss. Instead of recognizing this, books are written about how terrible it is to lose someone and the emotional turmoil of the people, rather than their final conquering of grief. Because of this idea of intense grief, Facebook feels even more obliged to eliminate the existence of these profiles. Turning them into a tribute page is nice, however it also seems a bit odd. The person no longer exists while photo memories of them are displayed for people who barely knew them, except for the occasional appearance in a mini feed. As in grief, there must come a time when the memorial should be taken down and the memory should only exist in the minds of the one’s who truly loved the person. The American society is concerned with feeling some sort of remorse for the dead, proving that they cared. People should grieve forever apparently, while the actually process is far from so. Facebook should keep these pages in their minds, as to respect the memory of the deceased. Everything is about preservation of the person, however they are no longer there. Americans need to learn to let go, while it may not be easy. There comes a time to think: would this person really have felt such a connection to me if I had died? Would this person want me to dedicate this much of my emotion to them? It is not wrong to commemorate the deceased, but grief has become far too commercial in the public eye. There is no need to compete to show the greatest affection, or mourn the longest to prove one’s love for the deceased.

            “For years this was a secret business.” I believe here is where he hit the point, the reason for the constant controversy in the funeral industry. During the entire interview Charles, a funeral director in Brooklyn, spoke of how different things are now. Being in the business 50 years gives him credibility, but also bias. Therefore at times it was hard to decide whom to believe, Charles or Mitford, author of The American Way of Death Revisited. I asked him if he had read the book himself, “Well the original...She just didn’t like the funeral industry. So everything was like...in my opinion blown out of proportion.” When things are viewed critically they can of course be portrayed in a more vigorous light than usual, however it cannot all be exaggeration.  “A lot of that is her imagination I think.” Why in the first place would someone expose an industry such as the funeral industry, if there were nothing to show? It is hardly an industry constantly under scrutiny, so why choose there? Through my discussion with Charles I was able to further understand his perspective of the refined business.

            Charles himself wants to be cremated, without a viewing and embalming. I found this surprising as I expected a funeral director to want to be buried, with the full funeral and all, for this is what they sell everyone else. Why sell a product that you yourself do not wish to have? He however had no explanation other than they were simply his beliefs. His outlook on death was very straightforward, “Listen everybody’s going to die, it’s just how and when.” This can be expected as death surrounds him everyday at his job. When I asked him about the perception of his job he replied with, “I think that we’re portrayed as subhuman sometimes. I think that’s because most people fear death.” While many might be able to utter his words of death for everyone, it is much harder for them to accept them. Americans are clearly afraid of death, as they try to hold on to the memory of what the person was before through such ceremonies as embalming. They then scrutinize people that do not share this common fear. It must be odd however, for him to live among the memory pictures of these people’s lives, instead of interacting with the actual life outside. Charles himself spoke of the lack of social life that comes with his job, as he is constantly on call. I questioned how he even got into such a business; his reply was simply that it fascinated him since the age of ten. How is it that death can scare so many people, but draw a ten-year-old boy in so desirably?

            When asked about funerals and cremation he again brought up the idea that everything was changing. “Today to most people, it’s almost an annoyance...everybody’s spread out and nobody has time for funerals.” Families have become so spread out that it becomes a burden to travel all the way to a funeral, slowly hacking away at the importance of them. “I hate the word closure, but that’s what it is. It’s closure.” Funerals in his mind are “closure”, however this world allows for much less closure than it used to. Strangers deal with the body and geography may even limit attendance. He mentioned that the memory pictures he creates through embalming aid in closure for the family. When he was younger he too embalmed, ““I always equate it to a minor surgery. It’s not as gross as people think...People have a misconception about it.” I mentioned how odd I thought it would be to embalm, however he jumped at me telling me it was simply a misconception. Funeral directors are very proud of their work and like all others, do not wish to be scrutinized. Therefore I found some of his answers to be a bit defensive, however lacking in explanation.

            As a funeral director I imagined that he has seen the worst of it, everyone’s greatest fear. Thus I asked for his most overwhelming experience in the business, as a funeral director experiences more death in a lifetime than any other. “This young lady died of cancer. She had two little children. She knew she was dying, she prepared her children for her death and told them their daddy would always be there for them even after she was gone and Daddy died at 9/11, the mother died a month later. It was just heartbreaking to see these kids at the mother’s casket, they want to go to heaven with mommy and daddy.” What does it do to a funeral director to be around all of this constant remorse? Does it not haunt them in their sleep? This story clearly stuck with him, because I believe it was one of the first that demonstrated the abandonment of death. To a funeral director death is simply the body and the family that comes. It is however normal, no big deal, as it surrounds them. Not until a moment such as this, where two children are left alone in the world, does the humanity of the situation come back into light. Not to say that funeral directors do not feel for the families who lose those whom they love, but that overtime they can become indifferent. As horrible as these events can be, “It’s a necessary evil I like to say.”

Homework #52: Third Third of the American Way of Death Revisited

Precis

The Federal Trade Commission, otherwise known as the FTC, is there to manage and oversee the funeral industry, however fails to do this effectively. Less than one third of funeral homes during recent studies have been evaluated and those evaluated have faced little to no consequence. In England things are comparatively different. Funerals cost much less and there is more overall focus on the consumer rather than profit. The flaws in the American system are further highlighted through negative publicity, that all aim to shed light on the rising costs of funerals. When people try to save their family this great expense, pre-paying becomes an option, while it ultimately causes the family to pay the same amount in the end. In past years however reform is slowly making its way into the funeral industry.

Quotes

“McDeath is on its way to a funeral parlour near you. The Americans are here, although you may not yet have noticed it,” (p. 224-5).

“The Americans are just like parasites eating away at the country,” (p. 228).

“It is he who grins out at the funeral men from the pages of magazines, frowns at them from the probate bench, speaks harshly of them from the pulpit or from the autopsy room,” (p. 241).

“ ‘It is good for those who survive to have the right and duty to make the funeral arrangements. Making such arrangements, having such responsibilities, is essential. It is part of the grief syndrome, part of the therapy of mourning,” (p. 257).

Analytical Paragraph

            The American way of death, as shown in Mitford’s work, is thoroughly corrupt, however hidden from the public eye. Caskets are specifically arranged to ensure a large profit, while embalming is automatically performed, even when unnecessary. Funeral directors constantly swindle people out of their money, of course with care and precision to the deceased. Pre-need arranged funerals end in comparable or even higher costs than a funeral paid up front. The industry is clearly corrupted, but what industry of America is not? After exploring the medical industry in terms of pregnancy and illness, it is apparent that changes need to be made in the American society. The incentive behind each industry is money, rather than the welfare of the consumer. Doctors work towards their own convenience during birth, and health care providers deny coverage. In each of these situations, no matter who is making the argument, England is always looked upon as having a more perfect system, whether it be birth or care of the dead. Mitford explains England’s less expensive funeral, the personal connection fostered between customer and provider, that is slowly being infiltrated by America. Additionally, Britain’s public health care system offers much more support for their citizens, along with the high midwifery rates. There is no doubt that profit still lurks amongst England’s industries, however it does not define their industries. Just as every other major corporation the US, the funeral industry seeks to gain profit rather than accepting the wishes of their customers. Why is it that America cannot learn from Britain, as it is apparent that comparatively their industrial complex benefits the people rather than the elite? Perhaps however, this is what America wants, or maybe they see the great flaw in the British way that is invisible to the otherwise “common” eye.  

Homework #51: Second Third of The American Way of Death Revisited

Precis

Cremation in itself, while believed to be considerably cheaper than a funeral, can too rack up expenses due to the advertising of the funeral directors towards an accompanying funeral. In order to understand the funeral business, the wants of the people must be addressed. Presidents and other high officials generally choose to opt out of modern America’s rituals around death, while their requests have not always been met. However to achieve a full grasp of the subject, the history of the death industry must be taken into account, as the modern American customs are not deeply rooted in history, instead coming abruptly in the 20^th century.

Quotes

“There is a museum in Chicago containing an exhibit of hatching chicks; the unhatched eggs are in one compartment, those barely chipped in another, next the emerging baby chicks, and finally the fully hatched fledglings. The Forest Lawn scene is vaguely reminiscent of that exhibit. Here is a grass-green tarpaulin unobtrusively thrown over the blocked-out mound of earth removed to ready a grave site for a newcomer. Near it is a brilliant quilt of mixed orchids, gardenias, roses, and lilies of the valley, signifying a very recent funeral. Farther on, gardeners are shoveling away the faded remains of a similar floral display, possibly three or more days old,” (p. 103).

“The Memorial Impulse is a primary urge founded in man’s biological nature, and it gives rise to the desire to build (as one might have already guessed) memorials. It is also an indispensable factor in the growth of any civilization,” (p. 110).

“Cremation is not an end in itself, but the process which prepares the human remains for inurnment in a beautiful and everlasting memorial,” (p. 111).

“ ‘All of them ought to be [cremated], for earth burial, a horrible practice, will some day be prohibited by law, not only because it is hideously unaesthetic, but because the dead would crowd the living off the earth if it could be carried out to its end of preserving our bodies for their resurrection on an imaginary day of judgment,’” (p. 113).

“They feel that it is pagan rather than Christian to focus attention on the corpse,” (p. 137).

Analytical Paragraph

            While sometimes hard to believe, especially with the amount of apocalyptic theories circulating, this world may one day be the ancient civilization dug up and analyzed. At this time, the graves of ancestors are unearthed and examined, shedding light on the intricate lives of those before modern times. The structures that used to build their cities scarcely exist, leaving only the people and the possessions with which they were buried. These discoveries are fascinating, opening up an entire other world. It brings the question, what will this society look like when it is dug up? Mitford herself gives her own opinion, “They might rashly conclude that twentieth-century America was a nation of abjectly imitative conformists, devoted to machine-made gadgetry and mass-produced art of a debased quality...” (p. 139). The current funeral industry creates a monotonous stance around illness and dying. Everyone is to receive the same, however of course paying more depending on their financial standings. The American society will not be portrayed as unique, but instead each person will blend in with the other, sacrificing any ounce of individuality. But maybe America will look unique and different, for the civilization examining it will be even more monotonous. Perhaps America’s own current examination of previous cultures is also skewed. They only seem so rich because America does not find its own culture rich. Are the funeral practices of a culture even a valid way to define the actual value of lives within it? When it does come down to it, everyone will become bones or ashes, only the casket to speak for them. Maybe it is then important, to put so much effort into choosing a casket, as it will be the most intact remainder of life. 

Homework #49: Comments

Sarah,

I really enjoyed this piece. What really caught my attention was when you began questioning how people even get into the funeral business. It seems like an odd thing for people to be attracted to, considering the subject is so heavily avoided in our culture. To answer your question of "Is it something they have dreamed about since they were little?" with my thoughts, I do not think it was something that crossed their mind as children. Kids are rarely confronted with death, therefore I believe it was an experience later in life that brought this attraction. Maybe a relatives funeral or a near death experience brought a sudden fascination with death, fulfilled through running a funeral business themselves.


Casey,

I thought this post was very well written. This line struck me in particular:
"Perhaps that is another reason why death and treatment of the dead is rather taboo in our society; there are so many different, sensitive, deeply engrained opinions and unpleasant emotions associated with it."
I agree with you in the sense that death is taboo amongst the people of our society. Because it is so deeply ingrained in religion, it causes a lot of conflicts of interest between people I think, when it is brought up in conversation. Hearing someone deny the afterlife I imagine can be brutal for someone who has envisioned this idea their entire lives. I believe however that it is not only because of religion, but as you said, the emotions attached to death. People would rather believe that they are invincible and will never die. Therefore if they do not speak of death, they will not experience it.

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From Bjorn: I disagree with you saying that cremation is a way of sacrificing the idea of remembrance of a person since the human body, even when it is buried will breakdown in the ground and disappear into small particles anyway. Personally my hope is to get cremated not only, as you mention to save room but also because I think my ashes are able to carry my memory just as well as my rottening body buried in the ground. As long as I have a gravestone I'll be happy. 


From Casey: Natalie, 
I enjoyed several things about your post. I thought it was prudent to mention the fact that your parents' opinions (and their childrens') are the same as a result of living together for a long time. You did not leave it to the reader to make this important inference. 
"I think it would be better to cremate me and then put me in a place where people could come remember me, rather than a cemetery filled with death.”....I thought this quote was especially thought-provoking because brought about the possibility that the real cause of preferences between cremation and burial come down to the fundamental question: Which one is more filled with death?

From Lindsay:  Taking a generational/religious approach to analysis these answers lets you get to an interesting place. When I think about death, it also does come down to a place where people could visit me - but I think that can evolve into a place far beyond a gravestone. I wonder if you were to have this same discussion with someone who believed in an afterlife, if they would have more thoughts around your person being in the ground but also how you still exist in the world.


From Sarah:
Natalie,

I found the flow and tone of your blog to make it a good read. I found your idea of comparing two different generations concerns for death interesting. I think this line really summed up your point, "Unlike my peers, who were more concerned with what might happen after death, my parents were able to think about the living. Maybe it is because they have a family, children, that they began to think about the people they are leaving behind." However, what if someone never creates their own family or has children? Does this mean that they continue thinking like an adolescent? Is it really about what and who is surrounding a person? Or does it have more to do with getting older and understanding who you are more? Your blog did a good job of sparking ideas amongst a reader! Good work.