Homework #36: Pregnancy and Birth Stories

            I interviewed three people for this assignment, one a mother of two, her children in their teens, the second, a new mother as of three months, and a midwife, who also mothers two younger children.

            The first interview took place with the mother of the older children. It was different for both births, but at the same time shockingly similar. She had her first daughter at age 33. When first pregnant, she experienced a couple problems as she was an odd green color and had “weird aches and pains”. The doctors believed that the child might have been in the fallopian tubes and that an operation was necessary. However after three months, they deemed the pregnancy healthy and the problems ceased to exist. After this time period, the interviewee spoke of the foods with which her relationship changed. She felt it necessary to have a grapefruit everyday, while foods that she normally loved such as Parmesan cheese repulsed her. With her second pregnancy, she experienced a lot of morning sickness in the beginning, unlike her first pregnancy. “That lasted for a couple months but then after that I started feeling really great.”

            For the first pregnancy, she came home from work and was watching a movie when her water broke. Because the contractions were not coming in close enough succession, they waited until the morning to bring her to the hospital. Both of her children came exactly three weeks early. They were completely unprepared, especially for the first pregnancy. They had no crib or diapers, “and then all of a sudden we were having her.” Then with the second pregnancy, “for whatever reason, I was talking to the doctor...and I said I think you should be around this weekend because I knew I was going to have the baby.” The doctor assured her that it would not be like the last time, the child would not come early. But that Sunday her water had broke and she had to call the doctor’s partner to let her know that she was coming to the hospital. When she got there, neither doctors were there so a male doctor had to assess her situation. He seemed unsure that her water had broken. She asked to wait for the partner of her doctor, “she hardly even examined me and she turned to this guy and got so mad at him because he didn’t know what he was doing and she said it was so obvious that that’s what has happened.” With both pregnancies, she was not very dilated so the doctors assumed that it would be a while until the baby arrived. However, both children came out suddenly and quickly. But, since both came so quickly, there was no time for an epidural. “But I don’t know, my body was just really sneaky in that I had really slow contractions and then all of a sudden I was having [her] and there wasn’t time to give me the epidural. So in both cases I had to just do it naturally which I think in the end was better. But I wasn’t really anticipating that.”

            In preparation, she and her husband bought the standard book “What to Expect When You’re Expecting.” “I tried to go to a Lamaze class...well because [she] was born early...I only got to go to two of those classes...by the time we got to the hospital...I was screaming, I was horrible because I was really unprepared.” Then for her second child she “did not even bother” since she had already experienced everything the first time. During these times of “preparation”, there were also the opinions and actions of those around her. “People were not that generous about giving a seat to a pregnant person...it was kind of a little bit shocking...there’s something about your stomach being kind of extended that people that you don’t even know think that then can touch you...it’s a really weird thing...all these men who you know I knew but they weren’t like my best buddies were suddenly like trying to touch my stomach.” What she also found shocking was that her parents’ generation always talked about birth as such a beautiful, blissful thing. However when she went through giving birth herself she found the experience quite different. She realized then “at that time, the fathers weren’t involved in the birth...they were in the waiting room and the doctors knocked you out...they were also there for a week not for two days...they didn’t feel anything and then all of a sudden someone’s handing them a clean scrubbed baby.”

            Hearing this story first was extremely interesting, as the interviewee elaborated a lot with her own stories. It seems that so far, the general ideas that we have had in class line up with this one person’s experience with giving birth. At the end she mentioned how her mother’s generation thought birth was such a beautiful thing, but how she realized that it was because they did not experience labor as we do today – consciously. Perhaps we can then conclude that this is where our idea of birth comes from. We all assume it is such a beautiful, invigorating process because that image has been passed down over time. As society becomes much more liberal in its practice, we are coming to find that birth may also have a darker side to it, filled with agony. Another point that I thought was extremely interesting was that she felt uncomfortable with strangers approaching her. It makes me wonder what it is exactly about pregnant women that we find so alluring. Why do we feel we can enter their private space? I know as a child I always thought of a pregnant woman’s stomach as not a stomach like my own, but instead this temporary attachment that the woman had little connection to. Therefore it never seemed odd to me that a person would touch a pregnant stomach, as it was not a stomach in the typical sense. While odd things tend to happen during pregnancy and the end seems rather painful, it seems like an amazing process to go through. After the problems at the beginning of the pregnancy, it was obvious that the interviewee felt great during her pregnancy and I can imagine the connection one feels with the baby is enlightening.

            The next two interviewees did not go into as much personal detail as the first. Having just given birth a few months prior, I decided to interview my next person. She too felt that the first trimester was extremely hard, but after that she loved being pregnant. Unlike my first interviewee, my second one prepared much more. She read lots of books and listened to different stories that encouraged natural childbirth. She also took childbirth classes through the hospital in order to educate herself about the physical childbirth.

            “I thought my husband was going to be less excited than he actually was.” Both her and her husband were extremely excited about having the baby. “He was very involved, went to most of the doctor visits and to all of the classes.” At her workplace everyone was extremely supportive which was something that she really did not expect. For her job she occasionally has to go to construction sites and she felt that there men treated her differently, sometimes in good ways, sometimes in bad. It seems that she too felt her relationships with people change, just as the first interviewee did. “I wanted them to see me as the same person, but I think once you start showing that’s hard for some people.”

            When asked about the actual birth, waiting and excitement came to her mind. She was asked to take an epidural, which she was unhappy about but feels it was probably bet in the end. What worried her most though was that the umbilical was wrapped around her daughter’s neck as she came out, blocking her breathing passage. “That was very scary.” The next time she is pregnant she does not want to go to the hospital, she wishes to have a midwife instead. The fact that her birth was not completely natural really shook her entire perception of hospitals and how they treat birth. Overall, while the process was grueling, she did feel elated when she finally held her daughter. “Next time I’m sure I’ll be more calm.” She hopes to have two kids and for the next one to be able to follow her preferred pregnancy path – natural birth and hopefully with a midwife.

“You can’t imagine life before them.”

            This second interview went a lot quicker, but definitely discussed aspects that the first one lacked. While the first one talked more about her specific experiences, the second interviewee discussed natural birth versus medicated birth a bit more. I find it really interesting that she found it so upsetting to have an epidural. Does this affect the birth in any way? I feel that a lot of times mothers are grateful to take the drug as the process is so painful. It is inspiring however to see that someone would rather be as natural as possible for her own child instead of worrying about her own pain. It seems also that the reoccurring pattern is to read books and go to classes in order to prepare oneself for birth. I imagine that at this point that is common advisor that people stick to when preparing for pregnancy.  I wonder however, how this is then in other cultures? Do our books suggest different things? Would my interviewer have had to take the epidural in another country? It is possible that we are the only ones that convince ourselves that birth is this natural disaster that we need to alter to fit our human needs. 

            My last interviewee is both a mother and a midwife. Unfortunately we had to conduct our interview over email, but she still had great insight, as working with pregnant women is her profession. I altered my questions for her a little bit, some focusing on her job and others focusing on her own personal pregnancies. She became a midwife after working with adolescent teens in college. She loved working with them and after coming from a family with all sisters, she found she was surrounded in birth from all different directions. Therefore she combined the two when somebody suggested midwifery to her. “I felt like I could continue my work with adolescents and imagined concentrating on teenage mothers, be able to be involved in a holistic profession and be helping others. It felt like a perfect fit.” I then asked how she feels once she helps birth a child: “I feel extremely protective and don’t want anything to ruin the experience for her.  A simple smell, sound, comment or experience can impact the way that woman remembers her birth forever – for better or for worse.” She feels deep compassion for the mother and the family and tries to achieve the perfect environment for the baby to come into and for the mother to thrive in. As sacred as she tries to make birth for the woman, she said that after becoming a midwife, she “realized how normal birth is.” Birth is a completely natural thing that society makes too much of a fuss over. “If we leave women alone- and simply support the woman and her family, provide education and safety – things will turn out ok.”

            We then moved on to her personal experiences during birth. She had both of her sons at home with a midwife. “Life seemed a little boring without a little one around!” After traveling for a couple years, they decided to have kids. “It felt like the natural next step.” They had a lot of support from their families when they decided to have kids. The homebirth however did bring up some controversy with the family, but both mother and father felt comfortable with their decision. Her actual pregnancy seemed to go well. “Your body isn’t your own – it feels like you have been invaded and someone has another plan for you.” She described herself as a multi-tasker, always with something to do. Pregnancy however helped her slow down and let her body take more control. The process was also extremely emotional for her, as it is for most pregnant women. And of course it was an extremely exciting time, “[knowing] you will love this little being so much, no matter who he or she is.” During the emotional rollercoaster, she also prepared herself for the birth by reading lots of books that discussed laboring positions and attended classes with her husband – “any tips I could get my hands on.”

         Of course, labor was painful -  “The honest response and first one that came to mind?.... That the pain sucked.  No, seriously – that labor and birth are HARD.” But it seems that the homebirth on the other hand helped create an environment that made up for the pain of the birth. “But when I take a breath and get passed that, I remember two beautiful births that were in our homes, with dim lights, nice music, good smelling food on the stove, surround by people that I knew and that cared for me and it all seems quiet and lovely...I remembered every woman that I watched give birth.  I channeled that energy and it helped me make it through. I also didn’t have any choice to give up... matt and I both sweetly remember our midwife tucking the three of us in bed after the births – it’s the moment when we truly were grateful to be at home. We all just snuggled up and stared at one another in a quiet room. It was quite profound.” After having this experience, she finds it hard to return to a hospital to perform her midwifery. She hopes that we can evolve our hospital methods to accommodate the woman in a more “homebirth manner”.

            I really enjoyed hearing from someone who not only experienced birth herself but is also on the other sides of things and helps with the births. I have never met anyone who has had a homebirth before. It has never really crossed my mind to have a child in that manner, but the idea sounds intriguing. Hospitals themselves make me uncomfortable and it seems that such an important moment should take place somewhere where you feel at home. I do hope that we can achieve a more home-like setting in hospitals because it tends to be a place where we are at our most vulnerable state physically. Childbirth (specifically labor) might then be seen as less of a threatening process and instead as something that we generally associate most positive feelings with. Of course the entire idea of pregnancy and bringing a new life into the world is displayed in a positive light, but the pain always seems to cast a shadow over the end. Maybe one day we will be able to embrace it, or eliminate it. Other than that it seems that her experience was a lot like my other two interviewees. That during the pregnancy she felt extraordinary as she had another human being living inside of her. Pain however seems unavoidable, that it is simply an aspect of childbirth that women must cope with. But perhaps that makes it all the more gratifying when the child is actually born.

How does a homebirth affect the mother and child differently than a hospital birth?